09 October 2007

ha-ha halloween

A Halloween has not gone by where D was not made up and costumed. You've got an employee costume contest? He's in it to win it, even if he doesn't work there (divo)!

One year, while working at Target, he's dressed up as a were-dracu-vampire creature. He's got make up from the top of his dome to the tips of his Lee Press-On claws. The divo would want me to point out that in no way does his ensemble get in the way of delivering excellent customer service. With that, he heads to the stock room to pull an item for a customer.

The stock room is cavernous with shelves right up to the ceiling. The item in question is at the very top. I'm sure it was gleaming it was so high in the sky. He climbs up, reaches over and forgets exactly what happened (maybe a bird distracted him, I'm not kidding when I say how high the shelves were!). One moment he's on the ladder and the very next he's not. His class ring snags on a part of the shelf. His legs are dangling. The class ring has him caught but it's also cutting into him.

He tries to be a cool hunny bunny and stay calm. His calm voice lacks volume and his cry for help dissipates in the stock room like spit in the ocean. He takes a deep breath through his plastic fangs (it whistles) and pulls himself up over his hand to free the ring finger and bring the ladder closer with his leg. He climbs down not really sure what has happened.

He looks down at his hand and can't decipher blood from corn syrup. Is it real or is it memorex. The ring is deep in his finger now. He grabs the customer's item and heads out onto the floor. He finds a manager. Quickly and calmly he tells her I've been in an accident and I've got to go to the emergency room. She gives him the once over and says, "Um, yeah right. " Normally, he'd be very flattered with all the disbelief, "Wow! Looks so real! How'd you do that?" and "This guy is crazy! It's so gross!" but he's trying not to bleed out and faint.

He's taken to the emergency room (where more disbelief ensues!) and they have to cut off his class ring (the divo's request for the use of the jaws of life is snickered at but ignored) to free his finger.


When he was re-telling this story recently, I felt bad for him. Standing there hurt and everyone thinks you're joking and being a dork.

"Wow, you know who you are in that story?"
"No, who?"
"You're the boy that cried...werewolf!"

1 comment:

empanadamn said...

HAhAHHAahaa!!! Oh man...